Music Makes You Smile.

I've discovered Pandora. I knew it existed and I'd heard other people listen to it at work or wherever, but I normally just create my own lists through Project Playlist. However on my third try I found a "station" that will definitely work. I typed in Human by the Killers and it created "Human Radio," which I find rather amusing and rather accurate. It plays all sorts of songs I love in a playlist that sounds like something I created without all that work and it never runs out either!

I keep starting blog posts and not finishing them until a day or two later. When that happens I just don't even feel like finishing them and just push that "publish post" button. Yesterday I didn't finish the one from Sunday and I guess at some point today I'll get in there add my photos and push that button. I keep getting too preoccupied to post the photos that go with my posts. Not that you care and not that I know of anyone that actually reads this on a regular basis. If anyone does though, I guess you're kind of like my free therapist that doesn't have to hear any anger or gripping that never makes it into these.

Speaking of, yesterday was kind of rough. I was supposed to call the insurance people to see if I was covered again so I can go get the prescriptions I've not yet been able to pick up. I was going to go to the health food store, post office and finish some stuff to ship off to The Art Center in New York. Now I need to do that stuff today, which isn't a big deal except I really just want to go out with people today but I think everyone's busy and I just saw Patrick yesterday.

Seeing him was the good part of my day. I don't think I've laughed so much in a long time. It was fun and happy and good. We went to this yummy little Italian place that I can't remember the name of over in Dallas. He'd just been laying in bed all morning (like I've done today) and I told him that I didn't know of anywhere specific to go between there and here so I just went over to his place and then he picked a place to go. He lives in these swanky little apartments with his brother. They're really cool. Almost kind of makes me want to live in Dallas. They were right in the middle and really close to SMU. I don't know but lately I've really felt like I want to go back to school. I'm not completely sure what I'd go for, but I kind of want to go get my masters. I'd always said I wanted to and wasn't sure when I would.

Anyway we had pesto pasta with yummy sourdough bread. They had these big wooden tables there with cute little pots of mint and rosemary on every table with little lamps and bottle of oil and balsamic vinegar. There was so much light and it was just this place that made you carefree and able to actually breath. They had this amazing stove system where you could the burners would be super hot when you put a pan in them to cook, but the moment you took the pan off you could touch the burner and wouldn't get burned. I'm not sure how that works, but it was pretty neat.

We were originally going to just go get coffee and while I've not had a cup of coffee in a while and have been starting to crave one, neither of us had eaten and I thought it'd be better to go to lunch, so that's what we did. I remembered to take my camera and still no pictures. I'm a bad little scrapbooker. I don't know what my deal is because I used to take photos of everything and now it's like my camera just takes up space and I have all these memories that slowly fade away into oblivion over time because I forget to pull that camera out of my purse.

We just talked about everything. Siblings, sex, food, and just general hanging out talk. I've not smiled that much in a long time. We didn't really get to be friends until a couple months before we both left TWG, but I'm glad we did regardless of whether we saw each other much at work. He's the sort of person you can just talk to and speak your mind. He's got great advice and he doesn't judge you. It took a while but I finally found someone I can say anything to and smile the whole time down here in Dallas. Don't get me wrong, Texas still rubs me the wrong way, but it's not as bad knowing I have a good friend close by.

The apartments are set up similar to that hotel we stayed at on the band and orchestra trip to San Diego in high school where the pool is there in the middle but in this case the apts. only stacked up two stories tall. They even had the palm trees and a hot tub. It was raining while I was there, but that hot tub and I have a date. I love hot tubs and having a beer and just relaxing in the hot tub letting it release all that tension in my upper back sounds like a good way to spend some of my time.

I wound up leaving a little after five and was afraid I'd get stuck in traffic but it really was't too bad once I got onto I-35. Not like when I was driving there around one and it was raining and people in Texas, and their driving, in the rain, geeze. There was a semi-truck stalled in the middle lane on 183 and you didn't know until you were right up on it. Traffic was moving so slow but as soon as someone in the other lanes noticed you or someone else needed over they'd speed up so you couldn't! Not only would they not let you over, but they'd speed up and be a complete ass about it. That's my biggest complaint, Texas drivers.

I don't know what happened, but I got home and was just sad. Just quietly cry to yourself sad. I don't know if it was because my visit was over or because it made me miss those people I had in what seems like a past life, or the fact that ever since I was fired I've gotten these plans, took a deep breath and made a decision that things were going to be fine and that I could make my circumstances work, and then something just throws that wrench in and when I was trying to make a bad situation better that wrench makes it impossible to even settle. I try to just say oh well and move on, but sometimes it's hard. Sometimes you have to just let yourself cry a little, play sudoku and talk to two people simultaneously through text message to figure out that the saying you're not alone really is true and that the two people you're talking to actually have been right in the same shoes you're wearing and for hours of doing these things, you can finally turn off your light and fall asleep knowing that tomorrow is a new day.

And very appropriately 'Float On' by Modest Mouse just popped up on my playlist and I smile. And just to top it off, this is me when I'm 89 years old.